If I dismiss the cook
Wife: If I dismiss the cook and make the food myself for a month, what will you pay me?
Husband: I won't have to pay you, you'll get my entire insurance amount.
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Wife into pond of crocodiles
Have u heard about the man who threw his wife into a pond of crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the animal rights for being cruel to the crocodiles.
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So many options
So many options: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging,
jumping from a building, lying on train tracks
but we chose Marriage, slow and sure!
................................................................................
Husband & wife - Why divorce? In a divorce court a woman told the judge: "Your honour,
I want to divorce
my husband."
"But why ?" asked the judge.
She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me."
The judge asked, "How do you know ?"
She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him." ..................................................
Husband & wife - Love your enemy From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month
after I die,
I want you to marry Samy."
"Samy! But he is your enemy!"
"Yes, I know that. I've suffered all these years; so let him suffer now." -------------------------------------------------- Husband & wife - Wedding ring At the cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your
wedding ring on the wrong finger? " The other replied,
"Yes I am, I married
the wrong man." --------------------------------------------------
Husband & wife - Why? "Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to
my wife saying that
I'd be home that night; and when I got into
my room I found my
wife in another man's arms. Why, dad? Tell me why!"
Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said,
"Maybe, son, she didn't
get the fax." -------------------------------------------------- Husband & wife - Same service A husband visited a marriage counselor
and said,
"When we were first married,
I would come home from the office, my wife would
bring my slippers and our cute little dog would
run around barking.
Now after ten years
it's all different, I come home, the dog brings
the slippers and my
wife runs around barking."
"Why complain?" said the counselor.
"You're still getting the same service!" -------------------------------------------------- Husband & wife - Talk about the husband One woman told another : "My neighbour is always
speaking ill of her husband,
but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and
a coward;
but have I ever said anything bad about him?" --------------------------------------------------
Husband & wife - Love to do A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to
the couple next door and
said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are?
He kisses
her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"
"I would love to." Replied the husband. "But I
don't know her well enough." -------------------------------------------------- Husband & wife - No answer back A man was telling his friends,
"When my wife is infuriated,
she starts shouting
at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares
answer her."
One of his friends asked. "And when you are angry,
what do you do?"
The man replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and
doors of the house and none of them dare to answer back."
--------------------------------------------------
Husband & wife - Come home late A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her
husband always came home late,
no matter how she tried to stop him.
"Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what
I did. . .
Once my husband came
home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed
I called out: 'Is that
you, Jim?' And that cured him." "Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?"
The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill." --------------------------------------------------
Husband & wife - Problem father "You looked troubled," a man told his friend,
"what's your problem?" He replied,
"I'm going to be a father."
"But that's wonderful,"
The man said. "What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know
about it yet."
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